***I was sitting down to write down some thoughts I had been thinking about and saw this is my drafts from four years ago. I still feel the same way about the letter. Grief looks different for all of us. Death, expectations unmet, divorce, unexpected diagnosis’….the list goes on. So, Grieving Mamma, whatever your grief looks like, know that Jesus holds you and He has bottled your tears. (I am talking to myself, as much as I am to you)***
“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?” Psalm 56:8
Dear Grieving Mamma,
A few months after our son passed away a friend came up to me and she gave me a small bottle. It was filled with water. Her mother or aunt, I can’t remember which, had been praying for our family. She had been reading Psalm 56:8 and felt that she should give us a visual of the verse. My friend gave me the gift hesitantly. She wasn’t sure how I was going to react to the gift. I thanked her for passing it on and when I got home and put it in a drawer. I wasn’t ready to think about that.
Several years later I was packing up our house and I found the small bottle. I read the verse, Psalm 56:8, “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle…” I thought, “This bottle isn’t big enough for all of my tears…”
But those words-they stuck. All of those sleepless nights. All of those tears. He knows them. Jesus knows them. He keeps them. The pain is so deep and wrenching, that no one could ever count the tossings or keep those tears but Jesus.
Mammas, we can get frustrated with feeling like we are bearing the burden by ourselves, but Jesus is bearing it for us. He already has. That day He died for us. He bared all of our burdens. All of our heartache. All of our sin. All of LIFE.
This doesn’t make the burden easier, it just makes it a little bit more bearable. The knowledge that Jesus already took our pain. He knows it. He knows your pain.
As time goes on our heart mends, but it never goes away. Ever. It will be at the forefront of our minds. It will linger and pop up unexpected, but Jesus will be there and the scar will be tender. Always.
Those times when it starts to bleed, it’s okay. Jesus is there. He’s bearing our burden. He’s felt our pain. He’s keeping our tears.
That verse is oddly comforting. There’s comfort in His knowledge. In His love. In His care to KEEP those tears. To have the knowledge of our sleepless nights, and of our pacing the halls while the darkness shrouds our hearts. His light is still penetrating into those crevices.
Jesus is present. He is watching us. He is comforting us and He is gathering our tears.