This past week, a very dear friend sent me a lamp of an orange turtle. We love it. Once we opened it up and got a light in it, we talked about the video of Boston playing with the turtle that we had caught one day in our yard at our old house. We’ve watched the video several times since Boston went Home last year. We have laughed each time and we have played it over and over while we sit. Then around the second or third time, we start to tear up while we smile. We miss him a lot and this is really hard.
I love 4 year old boys and I bet that I would have loved this 6 year old boy just as much. I bet that he would’ve loved him losing his teeth, his reaction and collecting them. He would have played with Tullie’s Shopkins and my living room carpet would have turned into his monster truck ramp more than a 10 dozen times in the last year. He would probably be more creative with Legos with his brother, and he probably wouldn’t let his other sister dress him up anymore as an Egyptian prince. He would be reading books and adding numbers and and helping Dad move trees at the Sarah property.
I was talking with my Grandpa the other day when I was driving him home, and we started talking about when my Grandma went Home. He said, “That first year was so sad and lonely.” It’s been seventeen years since Grandma went Home. I told him that I have a hard time imagining that we have 40 or 50 years left without the people we love. I can’t think about numbers that big. I need to think about making it through the next hour when I put my head down on the pillow and go to sleep. That’s about the amount that I can bare. Thankfully, I don’t need to bare the hard days. Jesus has done that for me.
Our hearts hurt. We are still incredibly broken. Jesus is sovereign and good and I can say that with confidence. I trust Him. I trust Him in this hard.
Thank you, Jesus, for 4 amazing years. Thank you for an amazing boy who left us with wonderful memories and joyful smiles and funny quips. Our hearts are full-and empty. We miss him something fierce, but we know that Jesus will give us the grace we need to make it through Saturday and the next 40 or 50 years.
So, now you may chuckle along with us for a few days and while you chuckle, pray for our family.