To Grieve in Public

 

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I love those Facebook memories.

I hate those Facebook memories.

But each day I click, “Look back” and I look back. For better or worse each day I look back.

I noticed something these last few days though, that even though it was painful to relive walking into the house after the accident and sitting on the sofa and Mike and I talking back and forth, “Should we tell everyone.”  When we agreed, I can still see in my mindseye, sitting on the sofa and typing those words telling everything that Boston had gone Home and picking the picture I had taken just a few days before. In that moment, we decided to grieve publicly. We decided to let people into our broken world.

We had never shied away from sharing our life. Between our oldest daughter having Down Syndrome and our second son passing away the day after he was born, we were already full of stories, but this past week, I realized that we were public grievers and because of that, we were publicly comforted as well.

Looking back at my memories today, it’s been two years since Boston’s service, and a sea of orange was put on Facebook. A sea of orange in trees, t-shirts, dresses, headbands, sunset, sunrises, you name it orange. A friend posted a picture of the service and it was a sea of orange praising Jesus and we sang, “It is Well”. The reminders brought a smile to my face and tears to my eyes.

I am pretty horrible at thank you letters. So, this is my blanket thank you. I know that you all do know that we’re thankful for you. But this morning, I felt an amazing sense of gratitude as I kept scrolling down seeing the encouraging words, the orange clothing, the constant prayers, the flowers the Red Soxs sent and the verses shared and the people who travelled from so far to be with us. It was encouraging then and it is encouraging two years later.

Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

I’ve struggled with this verse in the past, because many times I have wanted someone holding my hand and saving me from my despair and to constantly coddle me, but that isn’t the way this verse works. Those memories, our friends, that orange, each time a sun sets and a tree changes color, is a moment when someone is bearing our burden, because they are lifting us up when they see that vibrant orange. I thank them for that. I’m more than grateful for each prayer sent and each time our boy is remembered.

Since the accident we haven’t shied away from social media, but social media doesn’t know everything. We haven’t put out all of our dirty laundry. We would be cryptic on a tough day or we would talk more about a hard day when the day was over. Each time we have always tried our best to continue to point to Jesus and we believe, even if we’re struggling to believe that our Hope secure.

With the sharing of our grief, our hope has been that Jesus would be glorified and honored in the incredibly hard. That He would be worshipped. That He would be proven to be enough. (And I struggle to use that word, proven, we don’t have to prove Him, because He is enough. He promised He would be. Phil. 4:7, Romans 8:26, II Cor. 12:19, John 16:16-24, John 17) That intern, eyes would be turned toward Jesus for the sufficiency to get through life that only He can give through ANY situation.Our hope is to not sound trite, but to be honest in the hard, the grit and the muck of life, because we all know that life isn’t easy and that’s when there are no tragedies.

I was sitting in the back of a conference listening to Elyse Fitzpatrick a few weeks ago and I was reminded that with each breath that we breathe grace has been given to us. Even the hardest of hard, grace has been given with each breath. Even when we don’t want to be breathing any longer, just the ability to cry and to say that we’re done, is grace and our Lord mourns with us the difficulties of this life. He also died for that so that we this world is not our Home. It sure makes breathing a little easier knowing that this isn’t forever.

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” ~Jesus (John 16:33)

We need an overcomer, and Jesus is it.

#Jesusisenough #TillweareHome #Gratefulformemories

 

 

 To Grieve in Public

1 Comment

  1. Sara | |

    💛

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